Snail Lotion

The only interesting thing that happened today was a commercial I saw on TV while taking a bus across town. It started out as your typical, run-of-the-mill lotion ad featuring beautiful women rubbing lotion into their skin, acting like it was the most excitement they have had all year. The lotion was called Elion or something, I wasn't really paying attention. But I sat bolt upright when a giant snail crawled onto the woman´s hand and then looked at the camera. That´s right. This cream is made with snails. The reason the ad gave was ¨snails make their own shells¨ and thus have regenerative capabilities. Apparently snail slime can also make you regain your youth, lose fat, and is the key to rejuvenating your skin. Snails and women talked and slithered their way through the rest of the ad, with a giant brown snail crawling across the screen to finish it off.

Now, I don´t use lotion. But if I did, I certainly would not slop snail slime all over my skin just because some ad´s perverse logic said it´s good for me. Instead of smooth, supple skin I´m afraid I would end up with crunchy snail-shell skin.